the stuff you think about late at night and never tell anyone about

from by girlfriend

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do i talk too much or not enough can't control anything
i used to say, that you are on top, that you can move mountains
tried to pick locks when i was younger with hairpins,
i am forgetting everything as soon as it happens,
pained by everything that i need to let go,
yknow theres safety in self destruction because at least you know where youre gonna go
very alone i will not reach out,
please dont come to me i am panic attacks and nosebleeds
in the girls toilets at school
oh, i'm grateful
bull in a china shop, im waiting at the bus stop
blue tiled swimming pools, y'know i used to suffer fools
shouting less than i thought and breaking stuff i bought
I learnt a lot of patience but never wanna be complacent
i was crying into my sleeve on the top floor of an apartment complex
i was 8 years old
lost in a cartoon estate, you know i really think that she is my soulmate
sorry if this is weird
nearly half disappeared at 17 years i try to retrace,
pinpoint and drawing maps try to figure out exactly what happened to me, very alone i do not reach out
please come to me i am panic attacks and nosebleeds and these are not battlescars
these are the echoes of a disorder
messy taurus girl with blood caked under your finger nails
i won't ask questions
suffocating for years and drowning in all of your fears
i am terribly afraid strangled by desperation
she said "you mess of crooked teeth, what'd you bury underneath?"
i used to watch videotapes in my mams bedroom when i was sick
i always knew how i would die one day
on my own terms always on my own terms
and she said "dear, you are not an island"
drinking cranberry juice at night and spilling it on myself
oh god i need to go
there is a past and I remember it
I need to float through the ceiling


from 3AM rituals, released June 6, 2016
vocals: hana lamari
guitar: sophie dunne
bass: lisa rogers
drums: lahela jones
backing vocals by whole band



all rights reserved


girlfriend Dublin, Ireland

hana - vox
sophie - guitar
lisa - bass
lahela - drums


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