1. |
Bury This
01:00
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x
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2. |
Child
05:45
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I was a child
She’d come into my bedroom
When it was dark
Ma would laugh
Like a witch and it would
Scare the shit out of me
I was a child
You were in the kitchen
I told you that i was going to make my
Holy Communion
Then Papa cried
And I asked why
He said its cause he wasn't invited
I know now that that was a lie
And i'm still that child
I'm still that child
I'm still that child
An uncomfortable sweat creeps
My teeth turn soft in my cottonmouth
And i can't hear you now
I try to swim in it - my golden loneliness
Combing arms for the answers while still reliving her cancers
Keeping everything in and close to my wrists
Thinking often of the days you’d miss
The gurn of my jaw wears me down
Sometimes everything slows around
At times I fall back into that old pain with small hands knocking soft brains
They walk down freezing sea lanes
I am a house hidden in the Mourne Mountains buried behind the trees
Your crooked smile in that slight dark with your bones fucking all your skin
Like a skeleton under a sheet
But beautiful to me
We were starved of and stuffed with sleep
I think it’s time to leave
I was a child
You were in the kitchen
I told you that I was going to make my
Holy Communion
Then papa cried
And I asked why
He said it’s cause he wasn't invited
I know now that that was a lie
And I'm still that child
I'm still that child
I'm still that child
In your cold bed I met a tiny death
Mattress floating in the kitchen
Bury it
Bury this
Fuck it all
In a memory grave
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3. |
Empty Room
03:24
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I’m clear
I am clear
Patience got me here
I'm drunk and lending an ear
Soothing the pain
I’m clear
I am clear
Failure got me here
In someone else's gaff
Scratching the shame in my bones
Stooped over the sink
I was spitting blood
This love hurting so good
I’m squeezing my thumbs
and this pain tasting so alone
laid up in bed with a heartache and
I fucked it all away then
With punched fists
And dragged knuckles over
Red brick walls
Opening my skin
I am sinking lower now
I am slipping lower down
Pleasant dystopia
All laid bare and tender
Visions of paranoid hands came into the water
Tread, tread gently on
Spitting black each morning
Longing for all
Longing for nothings
Listless energies collide and burn to hide away for hours
And hours and hours and hours and hours and hours
Until the dark encroaches and covers all
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4. |
Four Walls
01:27
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This feeling
Is never far from me
This place
Is soul crushing
My name
Carved on your wall
I try
To forget it all
Now I can’t sleep
I see it in everything
Now I cant sleep
I see you in everything
Four walls
I painted red
A weight
Pressing on my head
Four walls
I painted red
A weight
Pressing on my head
Now I can’t sleep
I see it in everything
Now I cant sleep
I see you in everything
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5. |
January 19th
04:23
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I am travelling backwards
I go backwards and feel childlike
Is this what healing is?
A repeating unfeeling?
Over and over again?
My mothers love pulls me through
His heart shrank and my pain grew
My body is burning
I’m learning you won’t be coming back
I haven't cried since you left
Taste of Motillium fast melts in my mouth
Fucking minging
Primary school
The star of the sea
Blurs all around me
Thought I heard the wail of a banshee
I do be squeezing my eyes and puking
I always say the wrong thing
Today the walls were smushing
Empty in his absence
Shook the gaff around me
Roaring and shouting all me fears
Screaming into me ears
You’re long gone
My heart will itch for years
Do you think you're better off alone?
I have nothing left to give to you
I changed myself because of you
Left on the shelf for you
Bell tolling
Church tower
Honey blue essence romance revealed sour
I’ve been telling fibs
I’m a faker
I’m a joker
I think I changed for you?
Spitting and grinding sentimental devotions
Expectorating it from my mouth and my chest
Masticating away at my heart
On the margins of my mind
Bate me so fucken bad
Brought me to tears
Burnt the fucken ears red off of me
Is this what healing is?
A repeated unfeeling?
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6. |
Trust
03:59
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Take off your coat
How could i?
Dressed in white
How could i?
Swallow it down
How could i?
Sit in the shame
Trust
He remembers the first time
I won’t
He remembers the first time
I don’t
He remembers the first time
I won’t
He remembers the first time
I don’t
Trust
Say goodbye to yourself
Say goodbye
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7. |
Revenge
05:35
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If I could hold you again
Pray for revenge
I think I'd crush you
And you’d run right through
My fingers
Are shaking
Forgiving
Nothing
And rest never comes
And peace never comes
And calm never comes
And what's done is done
This hatred
A blanket
I sleep with
To keep me warm
Then you’ll learn regret
Death is orange
Then you’ll learn regret
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8. |
Prologue
02:55
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I was a child
She’d come into my bedroom
When it was dark
And ma would laugh
Like a witch and it would
Scare the shit outta me
I was a child
You were in the kitchen
I told you that i was going to make my
holy communion
Then papa cried
And I asked why
He said it’s cause he wasn't invited
I know now that that was a lie
And i'm still that child
I'm still that child
I'm still that child
I was a child
In your cold bed I met a tiny death
You turned out the light in the last room on the right
And I met a tiny death
I was a child
Mattress floating in the kitchen
First voyage of my life
I wrapped myself in my words and
You said it's been a while
You said it's been a while
And i'm still that child
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9. |
Repent
04:03
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Broken syntax at my feet
Of words i'm still afraid to speak
I see her when I close my eyes
All birthday candles and cable ties and
I'm so good at keeping secrets and
You're so good at telling lies
Happens every time
When you go please let me know
When I go I must repent
Shapes i've built my life around
Our bodies lying on the ground
I swear i’d carve the stone myself
And shed this light for someone else
Every night when I undress
Another stone upon my chest
I try put this to rest
When you go please let me know
When I go I must repent
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10. |
Girlhood
01:59
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This bed is crushing
Brain is cooking
She's not coming
Goodbye to girlhood
Heart is burning
Hands are clutching
I'll keep running
Goodbye to childhood
I've been looking
And i’ve seen nothing
This feels like nothing
And it feels good
Goodbye to girlhood
I keep looking
I feel nothing
Nothing feels good
Goodbye to girlhood
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11. |
In Silence
05:11
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Spit it out
Complainer
In a house on fire
Under your skin
I know what's under your skin
All these arms
Made for me
To hold me down when
I sleep
Blessed with visions of these
Dreams where I can sit
In silence
And I made them cut their hair
And we slept in the same bed
And they tried to understand
How it really felt
To be quiet
To be quiet in a house on fire
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12. |
Sure Look
04:17
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The day you left a knife in my chest
Now there's a blade twisting in me
Carving a space where you used to be
And i don't think that we should speak
I scratch my head until it bleeds
I don't know why
It’s happening to me
I don't know how
To say these things
Sure look sure listen
You do it to yourself
Sure look sure listen
You know yourself
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13. |
Subconscious Acts
03:56
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Do you hate me now?
I lay here for days
Just listening
Please love me forever
Can’t stop picking at my skin again
Please come back sophie
I want you to stop me
Do you miss me when I'm gone?
I look for you constantly
i think i still want you to want me
Do you hate me now?
Can’t look you in the face so i turned away
Will you fuck me forever?
Can’t stop picking at my skin again
Please come back sophie
I need you to stop me
Do you miss me when I'm gone?
I look for you constantly
I still want you to want me
Everyday is monotony
You are still the first of the morning
And the last of every night for me
I am so tired and embarrassed
Constantly
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14. |
Take
04:00
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I am inhuman and I see you all like gods
I can't explain who I was last night
Salt the wound and cover from head to toe
These formalities leave such a shame for us all
I am jealous and disgusted by love
Please evoke me a feeling give me something to hold
Don't ever touch me i will wrinkle and burn
Avoidance is next to godliness is something i have learned
I can hear the ocean from this house
I miss nothing from there but that sound
I see god in your eyes almost two years to the day
It all broke down
I go backwards and i feel like a child
Vapid words and plans i tossed aside sent my way again
I feel nothing and i take and i take
And i listen through the floorboards to everything you say
Stay awake and think how nothing will change
And I take and I take and I take
Stay awake and think how nothing will change
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